excerpts
Sample Material
Introduction - The
Power of Exercise in My Life
When I was fourteen-years-old, in the late 60s, I began to see the world
in a different way. I awoke to a world struggling with war and racism,
issues of human rights and women’s equality. I wrestled within, somewhat
typical turmoil for a teenager. Feeling conflicted and hopeless, I began
reading and observing those around me. I discovered I had a choice: either
I could be complacent, apathetic and follow an ordinary existence, or
I could pursue what really mattered to me and begin to participate in
a larger world. I could try to change things I believed were wrong. Speak
out for what I believed in. And live with compassion and an open heart.
To me the choice was obvious, and as a young teenager, this translated
into action. Taking control of my health, working on political campaigns,
volunteering at community outreach programs, reading to educate myself.
This New York, Jewish girl with braids, freckles and a huge "good
girl" smile was transformed from a teenager obsessed with nothing
to a teenager all-consumed with being a part of something bigger than
myself—something that helped others.
At the same time, I became acutely aware of struggles within my own family. Like most families, mine was just trying to do the best they could, pitfalls and all. However, private pain mounted. My parents were outdoors people. We found refuge in outdoor sport, and during these times we were happy, invigorated, and connected. Skiing. Tennis. Ice Skating. Kayaking and swimming. Hiking. Biking. Exercise was what we did, and it kept us strong. The thrill of diving into a cold lake near our home, the rush of winning a tennis match, skiing a mountain with fresh snowfall. I observed my parents as vibrant, active individuals. My mother was the best mother skier on the mountain; my father was a running and kayaking enthusiast. As a child, nothing made me more proud than to see my parents happy, actively pursuing their own interests, and enjoying the thrill of mastering a new physical skill. These were the happiest moments of my childhood. We were raised to be active in our bodies, and it was nothing short of a lifesaver.
Unwittingly, my identical twin, Jeri, and older sister, Jill—The Edelston girls—were taught to cope with the wrenches that life later threw us by, literally, exercising out our demons—allowing stress, anxiety and other crazy emotions to be released through physical exertion. As my body became active and the endorphins started pumping, the negative feelings dissipated and the positive ones rushed in like a high-speed freight train. As a young woman, I learned about the power of exercise to transform.
I share this to explain where I am now. I still want to make a difference in the world, this time through educating mothers about the power of exercise. I continue to exercise and compete athletically at age forty-six with two daughters of my own. I now see clearly the profoundly positive influence exercise has on me. When I exercise, I am energized, clear thinking, generous in spirit and able to embrace dark situations with dignity. I am also able to be the best person possible—strong mother and wife, compassionate friend and member of the community—and set an example of an active, passionate, genuine person for my girls.
I believe so strongly in the power of exercise to transform our lives that I feel like I’m on my most important mission yet: I want you to exercise because I want you to know your own strength, ability, resourcefulness and beauty. As mothers, if we truly felt our own power, we might just change the world. It’s that simple.
Challenges
Unique to Motherhood
Every day, I look at all of the mothers around me, in all walks of life,
and one thing is certain: we are all too busy. With the many responsibilities
we juggle—life long care providers, household managers, career women
and community leaders—life can be intensely complex and depleting.
Mothers with infants are easily exhausted, especially with unpredictable
and inconsistent schedules. Sleep deprivation is a major drain in conjunction
with the extra nurturing expected from other family members. Mothers with
older children are even more stretched, helping to meet school, social
and extra-curricular demands, with the additional pressure of personal
obligations and commitments. Loneliness and depression, anxiety mixed
with anger, feelings of inadequacy, and lack of personal fulfillment are
typical traps in which us mothers feel stuck without any source of relief.
No matter what our challenge, finding a way to prioritize our own emotional and physical needs is critical. Imagine every day, or every other day, getting exercise. Physically releasing your pent up energy while revitalizing your mind, body and soul. Setting aside one hour a day, one hour you can count on that includes at least 20 minutes of exercise amidst your daily whirl. Maybe the one and only constant of motherhood. Most of us deny ourselves the opportunity to get a breath of fresh air because, heaven forbid, we don’t fold that last bit of laundry or load the dishwasher. Or we turn away from any thoughts of exercise, we are afraid we might fail, forgetting the childlike pleasure of being a beginner again and the feelings of exhilaration around learning something new and using our bodies. I encourage you. Be open. Be good to yourself. Be smart. Live life! A slight change of heart can be a major lift in spirit.
I have had my own serious challenges in life, both as a woman and mother. As a teenager, I battled eating disorders and family alcoholism. When my first child was just an infant, I felt overwhelmed and depressed by the demands of my career and family management. A traumatic fire burned our home and entire neighborhood, and at the same time we lost two best friends, one to cancer and one to a heinous crime. There were times when I could barely move off the bed, but I summoned strength and will, and took myself out for a 20-minute run. With the pure and simple prescription of exercise, I found a way to cope. Each time, where there was conflict, I found resolution. Where there was negativity, I found light; and where there was depression, I found hope and happiness. I was reminded again and again that even though the reality of any situation is never completely erased, exercise brings about a shift in thinking and melts some of the darkness away. Life is half full, not half empty.
Because I have been given the great gift of exercise, I want to share it with the most important people I know. Mothers. There is truly no better formula for increased self-esteem, stress and weight management, higher energy, balance, strength of purpose and realized goals then an exercise routine. Other activities, such as gardening, cooking and reading are deeply satisfying, and my life wouldn’t be the same without these creative and focused hobbies. Exercise is unique, though, because it is the only activity that transcends a low energy state to a high-energy body, mind and spirit. And if you’re like most of the mothers I know, we need this. We need it now.
You Can
Do It!
How can we find the time? How do we let go of having a clean house, perfect
dinner, or sneak away from our jobs? When my children were young, I found
time to exercise by either including the kids or planning ahead for an
hour of time, relying on grandparents or trading children with other mothers.
When working in the corporate world, I used my lunch hour. I was able
to rejuvenate with a long walk, a run or a swim. When the best-laid plans
dissolved, the all mighty backup was a perfectly acceptable alternative:
a brisk walk with one child in the backpack and the other in the stroller.
I rarely lost hope on days when the exercise plan began to disband, putting
into practice, "where there’s a will, there’s a way."
True to form, there were occasional late afternoons where a few desperate
organized at the track and either took turns running or walked laps with
strollers.
Now that my girls are older, I make time before they awaken in the morning. Although I’m not a natural early riser, when the alarm rings at 5:30 a.m., I am eager and pop out of bed. It’s one of the rare blocks of time I steal away from my family fulfilling so many personal needs: enjoyment of a quiet first cup of coffee; time to review the day, meditate, reflect and plan; social exchange and collective inspiration in the pool or locker room; time for a hot shower and relaxed application of make-up. The issues around weight management and maintaining a well-toned muscular body are handled by 7:00 a.m. The icing on the cake is the well-earned appetite for breakfast back home together with the family. When I am finished with all of this and feeling absolutely terrific, a voice inside assures me that I "own the key" to a great day!
I know that my will to exercise is strong, and you may be thinking—no way can I ever do what this woman does, wake up at 5:30 am. But think about this: haven’t we woken up all night long for our babies, talked into the night with our husbands and partners, pushed ourselves to the max for sick children, to get dinner on the table, to make sure our kids had their basic needs taken care of and made a work deadline on top of it all? The sad truth is that mothers are experts at denying themselves the opportunity to physically and emotionally rejuvenate. I understand that the commitment to exercise can be almost as challenging as the physical exertion itself. It’s time to change your mind-set—because this is what will make the difference between going or not going, being committed and consistent, or quitting. Your mind set is what will make the difference between surviving and thriving in every other aspect of life.
Carol, my friend who lives and works in New York City, is the perfect example of someone who has little time to exercise but makes it happen during the day. On her way to the office, she begins her day by running the subway stairs and walking 15 blocks from the station to her office. At lunch she uses the time to jump rope for twenty minutes with an additional ten minutes of stretching and yoga breathing. A simple midday meal is ordered before the workout, and delivered in time to eat after a brief clean-up and change, while simultaneously reviewing paperwork. Carol explains, "The intensity of each day is well managed by realizing what my priorities are. When I am not with clients and associates, I take personal breaks that are dedicated to exercise, allowing for physical release and time to think about work and family matters. Jumping rope builds muscle strength and stamina that I need for overall mid-life health, especially at age 48! My kids like a fit mother who plays sports with them on the weekends. I never thought jumping rope would be such a perfect link to peak performance at work and home." By the time she returns home in the evening to her family, it’s dinnertime, and instead of feeling fatigued and stressed, she is highly energized by her day.
So, let me spell it out: You have the power to organize your day to include time to exercise. You deserve time for yourself. You deserve to take care of your body. Prioritizing your health is a beautiful, lifelong gift you can give to yourself, your children and your husband. I implore each reader to take action, to find a regular time each day—whatever it takes—and find an activity that requires physical exertion and do it. Remember, whatever you give to your exercise, you’ll receive back in spades. You can do it!
Use this
book to help you say, “Yes!”
I have written this book because I understand how hard it can be to say
yes to exercise. Let this book help you put the hesitations and excuses
aside and choose time for yourself. We all know mothers are the most clever
people in the world. If anyone can figure out how to make something happen—especially
if it involves improving life—a mom can. When you can’t imagine
how you’ll squeeze one more activity into your day, recall my friend
Carol, the mother who jumps rope in her office and runs the subway stairs
instead of walking to catch the train on her way to and from work. Or
Cathy, the young attorney who rides a stationary bicycle in front of her
child’s crib while reviewing legal briefs. Or Jane who drops her
toddler off at preschool and drives straight to the gym with her baby
before getting on with her household chores and the rest of her day. Here
are some suggestions for my favorites times and ways to use this book:
• Before
you go to bed, read a few pages so that you will wake up raring to exercise,
to walk your kids to school, or to bring your gym clothes to work for
a lunch hour workout.
• If you are feeling unmotivated, lethargic or hopeless, let The
Power of Exercise lift your spirits and dare you to take charge of your
energy level.
• When your guilt threatens to ruin a planned workout, let this book
rebut that vicious nagging voice with the positive rewards of exercise—a
strong, creative, dynamic woman as mother and wife.
• If you’re stuck at an exercise plateau—you can’t
seem to get through the intermediate aerobics class, swim more than 25
laps or run more than 2 miles—establish your can-do attitude, turn
to Setting Goals in Section II and continue reading in your spare moments.
• When overcome with feelings of low self-esteem, bad body image
and low energy, fight back with The Power of Exercise!
I sometimes hear myself repeat over and over, "40 minutes today for 40 great years tomorrow." What I mean by this mantra is this: forty minutes of focused exercise today is the springboard for everything I am able to accomplish and provide for my life and for my loved ones, today and for the duration of my lifetime. My early morning swim is what gets me through school day traumas with my daughters, relationship challenges, work burnout and waning self-confidence. It is my commitment to exercise that makes my life today, as a mother, and tomorrow, as a grandmother, senior and engaged citizen, rich and grand. Say YES! now.
Selective Excerpts from The Four Phases of Fitness
Section
I
Motivation
- Mothers Deserve It
Like
Atlas, we carry the weight of the world on our backs. Our families depend
on our can-do attitude and strength to manage the household and family.
Motherhood can be unrelenting and exhausting—and the next minute
joyful and invigorating. Now, with most of us working outside of the home,
volunteering at schools, or supporting the career of a primary breadwinner,
we are depended on more than ever before. All the more reasons why you
must take exceptional care of yourself.
Yet taking care of ourselves may be the greatest challenge of motherhood. Not laundry, discipline, or even teenagers compete with our self-sacrifice. Our guilt and "pleaser"-mentality, for better or for worse, prevents us from realizing that we deserve time to take care of our bodies, spirits and minds. More than deserve it, we require it if we want to remain on solid footing as confident, loving mothers. Exercise is the most powerful way I know to help with the two largest challenges of motherhood: stress management and revitalization. There isn’t a person alive who doesn’t feel better from getting out and moving their body!
Love must start from within, and allowing yourself time to exercise is an exercise in self-love. From there, we have boundless love for others. Since you’re reading this book, I imagine that somewhere deep inside, a voice must be crying out, "Go for it! Exercise!" Or maybe you know, without a shadow of doubt, that you owe yourself time—but you just don’t know how to get there. You have now taken the first step. Breathe. Smile. It’s time to take care of you. You deserve it.
"With
three children, so much of my day is broken into short time periods. If
I exercise early in the morning, my body feels more relaxed, small and
large crises are easily overcome, and my mood will be up for the rest
of the day. Exercising burns off the tensions that accumulate from doing
housework and juggling the lives of three kids and a husband—oh and
my life, too! I also know that if I exercise, it guarantees a good night’s
sleep. As a mother, there are so many hours spent in the interest of others
that I have few qualms about an hour or so for myself. The kids know it’s
a way to love myself, and we all benefit. Exercise is a way to bring wholeness
to my life. I let very few things get in the way of going running or walking
in the mornings, and I have convinced myself NOT to feel guilty."
–Suki, 46, stay-at-home mother of three children
Affirmation
I deserve time to be physically fit. Loving myself and taking care of
my body is one of my highest priorities,
as a woman and mother. Today I allow myself the time and space to exercise.
The Benefits
of Moving Your Body
Unless you have a medical excuse, there is no reason not to exercise.
Exercising is like wearing your seatbelt or eating vegetables: it is necessary
for a healthy, long life. The benefits of moving your body are so cut
and dry, it’s amazing that we think we can afford to ignore them.
Exercise is the key for increased self-esteem, stress and weight management,
and higher energy. It improves endurance, strength, coordination and general
fitness. It elicits a desire to excel in all aspects of life.
It’s always hip to exercise. We see presidents jogging, celebrities spinning, pilates for pregnant women, and kindergarteners practicing yoga. This is no fad, just a national epiphany: exercise is good medicine. Here’s what it does for YOU:
• Brain:
Makes your brain more alert, improving mood and creating the endorphins
that fight depression.
• Heart: A regular exercise routine increases strength in your heart
muscle. This prevents heart attacks or reduces their severity.
• Lungs: Exercise keeps your lungs strong and flexible. Fit individuals
50 to 60 years old can have the same lung capacity they had in their 20’s
and 30’s.
• Muscles: Use them or lose them! Loss of muscle strength and endurance
is caused by lack of exercise, not necessarily by age.
• Bones: Doing resistive exercise helps prevent osteoporosis, a bone
disorder characterized by a reduction in bone density accompanied by an
increase in porosity and brittleness, found in women between ages 40 and
70. Weight-bearing exercise increases bone density reducing the chance
of breaking hips or a vertebrae.
• Joints: Cycling, swimming, walking, rowing and other smooth motion,
low-impact activities are better for arthritic, painful or aging joints
than high-impact activities like running.
• Blood: Exercising regularly increases the ability of your red blood
cells to move oxygen efficiently throughout your body, therefore sustaining
good health.
Understanding
Heart Rate
Heart
rate is the number of times your heart beats per minute. Familiarizing
yourself with your heart rate while exercising is important so you can
monitor the stress on your heart. Using this simple tool, you can easily
monitor your workouts: If your heart rate is too low, use it as incentive
to crank up the workout a few notches; if it’s too fast, you’re
pushing it too far, and it may be medically unsafe. When your resting
heart rate decreases, you can rejoice in the fact that your overall fitness
level is increasing.
Calculating
your Heart Rate:
The manual technique is to measure in the midst of a workout. Stop your
activity, take your pulse for 15 seconds, count the number of heartbeats
and multiply by four. Or, using the high tech approach, wear a heart rate
monitor (available at all sports stores). The wrist monitor will let you
see instantly if you are in the high or low range. Some exercise machines
calculate heart rate when the user makes contact with the equipment, usually
found on the handle of a bike, rower or track machine.
How to calculate
your Target Heart Zone and Maximum Heart Rate:
Target Heart Zone is the safe range while exercising. To find your target
zone, first determine your Maximum Heart Rate. Maximum Heart Rate is the
fastest your heart can beat safely. The American College of Sports Medicine
defines the Target Zone as 50 to 85 percent of Maximum Heart Rate. The
standard formula for calculating Maximum Heart Rate is to subtract your
age from 220.
• Maximum
Heart Rate = 220 – Age
• Low end of Target Heart Zone = 50% x Maximum Heart Rate
• High end of Target Heart Zone = 85% x Maximum Heart Rate
Example: I am 47 years old. Therefore, my Maximum Heart Rate is 173 b.p.m
(beats per minute). (220 – 47 = 173). I exercise with a heart rate
monitor to stay in my Target Zone: between 86 and 147 b.p.m.
Affirmation
Exercise is a gift I give myself that pays high dividends in both the
short and long term.
By developing my exercise habit now, I enjoy the benefits of moving my
body
in every aspects of my life today and tomorrow.
Will
When I was a teen, I battled food. My parents’ divorce was looming,
identical twin identity issues grew complicated, my emotions felt out
of control. Restricting food was how I attempted to cope with unhappiness.
Of course, this backfired. Self-starvation is a sickness, plain and simple.
I was ill, getting thinner and thinner by the day, fervently believing
that the only power I had in my life was over my weight. My parents, after
reading a magazine article, finally were able to put a name to what was
happening to their daughter: anorexia. I was sent to mediocre therapists
who didn’t know how to treat eating disorders, and my summer and
future education plans were put on hold to deal with "my" problem.
During this time, I met a man who was a healer. Immediately, he recognized that I had an iron will, which I was using to the detriment of my health—around food. He swiftly and with great finesse, shifted my thinking, and flipped my will on its backside. He challenged me to summon my will to honor and respect my entire self: I was learning to generate and embrace personal power, a force far greater than my disease. I was a whole person who could choose to be healthy and happy without making herself sick. My teacher, Edward Farmer, helped me see that my will was my greatest ally and healer, and by using mantras and inner commitments I was able to normalize. As I began to recover and started eating a bit more, I felt increased strength. I began running and swimming. My powerful will manifested a new attitude and plan of action. I met a neighborhood friend each afternoon to play tennis. Through the grace of exercise, I felt hope and inspiration.
A mother’s will is a powerful force. We can be fiercely strong when it comes to our children and our families. We are profoundly capable of changing and improving circumstances when a loved one’s welfare is threatened. Today, I want you to connect with your will. I want you to feel your inner power and intelligence. Imagine all of the situations in which you summon your will for others. Now it’s time to harness your will to make decisions, set goals, and take action—for you! Claim your integrity and discipline; you will need these two components of will to reinforce follow through and accomplishment. You have willpower. Use it!
"I
used to be willpower-challenged. If there was ice cream or sweets in the
house, I devoured it. I couldn’t control myself—or so I thought.
I found it especially hard when feeling exhausted; I deserved to eat whatever
I wanted when I felt so lousy, right! Classic justification. When my youngest
child turned seven, I decided it was high time to lose my—do not
laugh—pregnancy weight. But when it came to exercising, I had no
discipline. If there was an excuse to be found not to go to the gym, I
would find it! But I made the decision that I was going to do it, no matter
what the excuse was, even if it meant there would be bread and water for
dinner, the house was a mess, and the kids would be bored. Too bad—because
all of that stuff will always hold you back if you let it. My will surprised
me: the more certain I was that exercising was good for me and my family,
the stronger my will became. It grew exponentially. Suddenly, I was also
able to say "no!" to eating all the ice cream and cookies. The
better I felt through exercise, the more clear I became in all aspects
in my life. It has truly changed me—and my family will attest to
this."
–Judy,
48, mother of two
Affirmation
My will is a sacred inner force that supports my emotional and physical
well-being.
My willpower is undeniably strong. Today I will climb every mountain,
ford every stream.
But My
Family Comes First! (or Throwing Guilt Out the Window)
Mothers are good at guilt. My friend Julie works full-time in advertising,
and her guilt is the guiding force in her decision-making process. She
doesn’t discipline her children, for fear that their limited time
together might be difficult. She constantly buys them clothes and toys
they don’t need to make up for business trips and late-night client
dinners. She is in a job she loves but her guilt barely allows her to
enjoy it. In her free time, the children set the agenda—and, once
again because of guilt, she is happy to comply, though exhausted and depleted.
She knows exercise would give her a burst of energy and provide strength
to "do it all," but her conflicting feelings keep her from taking
even half an hour to go for a walk or run out her front door.
Most of us are familiar with these feelings—whether you’re a stay-at-home or work-out-of-the-home mother. We seem to believe that we never are doing enough, we always must do more, clean the house, help with homework, make a more delicious dinner, go to the cleaners, the bank, the gas station… When does it end? It never does. So, throw your guilt out the window. It’s not doing any good. Healthy guilt is one thing: if you forgot to send your kid to school with lunch—oops!—yes, you need to get food to them. Unhealthy guilt is another thing: if you cannot take one hour three times a week for yourself to exercise, because you think your children cannot be without you or you are damaging them by being absent. This is the guilt we can do without.
Let the guilt go. Coming from a place of strength, clarity and peace, that’s how I want to parent. I don’t want to come from a place of guilt—and I don’t want my children thinking that’s my motivation for doing anything. To uphold your health as a worthy priority and to make your body and mind strong through exercise, this is a good mother.
"Like
most mothers, I am at the helm of the family. My sons have nicknamed me
"the mothership." They realize I am Command Central for socializing,
organizing and coordinating activities and transportation that links them
to people, places and all activities. In addition to all of the practical
responsibilities, I am also the spiritual source of encouragement and
reinforcement for our family unit. I know I am not alone. All day, every
day, we mothers play an important role in the success of our families.
And this is precisely why I am adamant about finding time to exercise,
almost every day. If I take time to go to my dance or spin class, I can
do anything. When a mother is happy and healthy, a positive tone is established
and everything goes smoothly."
–Lynn, age 43, graphic designer, mother of teenagers
Affirmation
A mother’s spirit inspires the family spirit. When I am happy and
healthy,
my contribution to my family comes from the most loving, connected space.
Section
II.
Beginning - Finding the Exercise You Love
I swim, I run, I ride bicycles, I ski, I play tennis, and I do yoga. You
won’t find me at spinning classes or aerobics classes. Exercise machines
and health clubs never worked for me either. We all have different needs.
Over the many years of being committed to a workout routine, I realize
that keeping exercise simple and accessible works for me.
If I had to choose only one type of exercise to do for the rest of my
life, it would be swimming. The long stretch and smooth movement from
head to toe feels fantastic. I love the coolness of the air on my face
when I breathe and the changing sensations of air and water on my arms
and legs. My time swimming is a sanctuary of aloneness. For minutes on
end, I am face down in the water, with only my thoughts and movement.
I love the pool environment: the complimentary tea, the lockers, the showers,
the hair dryers, my fellow swimmers. I never take for granted the luxury
of being able soak in the hot tub before making the plunge. No matter
how cold it is outside, how rainy or windy, I soak first and then begin
my swim warm, flexible and happy. It all adds up to loving my exercise
time.
Finding what you love is so important, so spend some time figuring out
the exercise that is right for you. Your considerations are in themselves
a great and important adventure!
• What do you look forward to?
• What can you do that is accessible? When you’re beginning,
your exercise should be uncomplicated and easy to get to. The best way
to sabotage your efforts is when your workout becomes a hassle.
• Is it the music at the movement class, the breathing in yoga, the
way your body feels swinging a tennis racket?
• Do you love to sweat, or hate the sweat and need a fan at all times?
• Do you prefer to be alone or with friends?
• Do you have knee injuries and require a low impact activity?
• Is the weather so unpredictable that you need a reliable indoor
activity or fitness center?
• If the only means to becoming fit is having a personal coach, hire
one.
Never be afraid to switch your workouts if you’re not happy or passion-driven about the experience. If you become bored by the Stairmaster, switch your machine. Try something new yet be realistic in order to find what works and what doesn’t. My friend Patty adores tennis more than any sport but found she rarely played after she had children. She realized tennis took too much time in a mother’s day. She can no longer afford two-hour blocks of time nor does she have the desire to find partners who are dependable, and as eager and high energy as she is for the entire match. She discovered kickboxing. It was quick, forceful, aerobic, a great workout for both arms and legs, efficient (class was 3:00 to 4:00 p.m.) and social. She got it all! Almost. The class is indoors. Let’s face it. Life is full of trade-offs. Kickboxing is ideal for the "mom way of life," and for rainy days. Tennis will always be there. Patty is fit, content and fulfilled.
A good mother friend shared her wise exercise philosophy: "If you look at exercise as a chore you have to do, it will never be a part of your life. When you find a type of exercise you can feel passionate about, it’s like breathing."
It’s a Fact: You might have read about her in the news, but Jennifer Portnick got national attention for being a 240 pound exercise instructor who had to fight Jazzersize Incorporated, because she wasn’t thin enough, just to do what she loved: teach Jazzersize! She won her fight and now inspires women with her energy, enthusiasm and commitment to exercise. She found what she loves, and she’s doing it.
Affirmation
Enjoy your exercise! Choose an activity that you can do easily, that’s
accessible and that feels good to you.
Be aware of your limitations as well as the possibilities; do what feels
right for you and your body.
Creating
Your Mother Mantras
My friend Karen had a traumatic first birth experience and was about to
have her second baby. She had put her anxiety on the back burner until
the eighth month, when it hit her that she was terrified. She began going
to acupuncture, getting massages, lighting relaxation candles, practicing
breathing techniques with her husband, using herbal remedies and homeopathy,
whatever it took to create a new and better laboring experience. Two weeks
before her due date, lying on her side on a massage table in a candlelit
room, music playing and breathing deep, a sentence came to her: I am a
strong and powerful woman. Tears began streaming down her face as she
realized that, indeed, she was a strong and powerful woman—and she
put the phrase on an index card and put it on her bathroom mirror. Weeks
later, as she dilated from two to ten centimeters in an intense and mind-blowing
two-hour period, her husband repeated, "You are a strong and powerful
woman." Each time he uttered these words, Karen told me that she
felt waves of calm and was able to tap into her inner strength to make
it through another contraction.
Creating mother mantras, whether for birth or exercise, is a tool that we can use when we need a little extra push or clarity of purpose. Because our thoughts and language have a powerful effect on our actions, the use of certain words can influence situations, creating something positive from negative or vice versa. We all try to teach our children to say, "I can!" instead of "I can’t." Now it’s time to model this by using our mother mantras to turn negative moments into brighter possibilities. For example, when I begin one of my Xterra triathlons wearing a full wetsuit in the frigid ocean, I initially feel overwhelmed, nauseous, and depleted from nerves. Immediately, I begin my favorite mantra "I LIKE THIS." My whole energy shifts. I feel stronger and my swimming feels great. As the swim continues, naturally I begin to feel tired. I begin one of my other favorite mantras "YES, I CAN" and as the words resound over and over in my head, I regain focus, strength and happiness. It doesn’t stop here. Over the entire four-hour competition, I repeat a mantra for 98% of the time. One simple little phrase sustains my focus, keeps me going with positive energy, gives me strength to finish and do my best. Mantras are magical!
You can use affirmations and mantras in all aspects of your life. The repetition of simple concepts reinforces intention to accomplish a goal. An effective mantra reaches your core; it transcends tedious thoughts and motivates positive action. Invent your own mantras. Here are some of my favorites:
• I
use "I LIKE THIS" when I’m struggling to sit down at my
desk chair to work on a writing deadline. "I LIKE THIS" also
works really well at the beginning of a workout: after one minute I tend
to quietly whine and feel doubt as to how I’ll endure another 5 minutes
of running, let alone hang in for 50 more minutes. I say these words and
immediately there is a dramatic difference in spirit and motivation.
• "YES I CAN" is the most powerful mantra that I know for
successful performance while exercising. These three words heighten mental
strength and physical power every step of the way.
• As corny as it sounds, I use "FAMILY LOVE" when I’m
driving around in the car doing errands, and I even use it when I’m
carpooling in the afternoons and I begin to feel drained by stopping and
starting at the endless stop lights. The experience changes from one of
drudgery to one of a loving mission.
• "GOTTA RUN " is active, clear and focused. In its simplicity,
it speaks of friendly confidence and effectively tells others (and yourself)
it’s time to go --- go running! Try it! It is an uncomplicated way
to transition, inwardly and outwardly, in a positive and energetic way.
• "JUST THE PEARL" is a motivational mantra that affects
me positively within seconds. The pearl, a rare and beautiful gift of
the sea, is analogous to the extraordinary wisdom and beauty I feel within
as a result of exercise in my life. When I feel exhaustion, and unmotivated
to workout, I say this wonderful mantra. Pressures from the day melt away
and waves of vitality refuel me.
• As soon as I hear myself say the words, "NO RIF-RAF,"
I regain mindfulness, re-energize my focus and rid my head of the intrusive
distractions that drain me of focus and energy. "NO RIF RAF"
means no nonsense – eliminate interference, go straight to the target.
This mantra is friendly but firm. It wakes me up; it does the trick when
I begin procrastinating with putting away a mountain of laundry, going
running at 5:00 p.m. and I’m tired, or sitting down to work at my
desk. This mantra quickly repositions my thoughts, clears away the garbage,
puts me on track without complications or distractions.
• "FINISH STRONG" is great when you’re half-way or
three quarters of the way in your exercise and you begin to fade. It’s
a way of saying – make every step count to the bitter end! For matters
in everyday life, it’s a great way to remind yourself to: never give
up and never quit. Finish every pursuit with a healthy heart, straight
and powerful back, positive mind.
• "ROCKET FUEL" is the most powerful of my mantras and
I realize not every mother welcomes a boost at this level. When I’m
training and I’m tired (a very human phenomenon, especially for mothers)
this mantra takes me high. My bloodstream is oxygenated! My muscles feel
on fire and my movements are strong. Two words. Very magical energy.
Affirmation
My words and thoughts are very powerful. I value the power of my voice.
Two words or one simple phrase
has the power to boosts my energy, sustains my focus, keeps me going with
positive energy.
Affirmations and mantras give me strength to reach my goals and do my
best.
Section
III.
Commitment - Setting Goals
Whenever I do coaching or personal training with clients or friends, my
first question is: What is your goal? Is it to run a 7K, lose 10 pounds,
or keep up with your 7-year-old on the soccer field? I have discovered
in almost every aspect of life, without a goal, there is little chance
of reaching the desired objective. My friend Katie set a goal to compete
in her first triathlon. She is an excellent swimmer—she swam in high
school and keeps up with it now as much as possible—but she had never
run and only did recreational cycling. She also wanted to lose some weight
and reclaim her body after years juggling two kids, a family and an office
job. She signed up for a local triathlon with short distances she knew
she had a chance at completing. She trained for four months and she did
it! The accomplishment of her goal, sandwiched between the demands of
her life, was more rewarding than she imagined. She walked with renewed
purpose in her step and a greater sense of her own power.
It is sometimes easier for people to work towards an objective, whether it’s 3 miles around the track, 50 laps in the pool or a competition sometime in the future. What I observe time after time is that the process of working towards the goal—establishing a routine, gaining strength and sharpening your mental focus—is far more valuable than reaching the actual goal. But without the goal, the focus and stamina built from determination and commitment are diminished. When you have the capacity to follow-through to completion, you have what it takes to be successful in everything else. Reaching the goal is the icing on the cake.
I think this, more than any of the other positive side effects of committed exercise, keeps me at it day after day. If I set out to ride an extra long bike ride, it is wonderful to reach my goal, but if I can’t get that far because of a head wind or it begins to rain, I know I will another day. I am fueled more from intention than I am from actually reaching the goal. When I swim first thing in the morning, I aim for 3,000 yards. When I reach the wall after the last lap, I am overflowing with enthusiasm. Most mornings I swim the full 3,000 yards. Many mornings I simply don’t have the proper amount of time to squeeze it in. Regardless, the feeling of accomplishment every morning I make it to the pool fuels every cell of my body with positive energy to continue to accomplish the other things in my life like folding laundry, making dinner and reinforcing my children upon their return from school.
Setting
Fitness Goals
Setting goals in the fitness world keeps motivation alive. A consistent,
enjoyable and effective exercise routine requires an organized plan of
action, taking responsibility to do what is necessary to succeed (nutrition,
sleep, proper training), passion behind the movement, and a goal. If you
want it, it’s yours!
Step 1: State
your "commitment to exercise" and identify what motivates you.
Make a promise to exercise regularly and why you want this. To lose weight?
To meditate? To make friends? To have more energy? To improve sleep? Write
down your commitment and post where you can see it daily. Example: "I
am free to swim for one hour everyday for purposes of physical fitness,
meditation and stress management." Remember, your exercise must be
passion-driven in order to provide you with powerful motivation—so
revise when necessary.
Steps 2:
What, When, How, Where
• What are you going to do for your workout?
• When are you going to workout?
• How are you going to make this happen? (Schedule babysitting, set
the alarm clock earlier, pack your workout clothes the night before, say
"no" to less important obligations)
• Where will you go to exercise? (The YMCA? High School track? Your
basement? Fitness Club?)
Step 3: Define
any obstacles and eliminate the barriers
If you are injured, address the problem by seeing a doctor, getting a
massage, figuring out another way to move your body. If you have no time,
find another activity in the day that can be replaced by a workout. If
you need a babysitter, hire one, or trade time with another mother—or
your husband. Make your action list and take action. Nike says Just Do
It! I say, "Just Show Up – Then Go!"
Affirmation
I am strength, power and focus when I set goals and reach them.
I set realistic, healthy and positive goals and give myself the time and
space to work towards them.
I walk the walk. My life is rich with ambition and strength, power and
confidence.
Asking
for Family Support
Exercise is one of the ingredients for good living. As a family, we honor
exercise as one of our most important values. When my husband, Dick, calls
me in the late afternoon from work to check in and to ask if I’d
mind if he takes off soon after returning home for a bike ride (this means
miss dinner or have us wait until 7:45), I always say "Go for it!"
I support his need for a physical release after a long day at work, and
if it’s inconvenient or conflicts with something I’ve planned,
I go out of my way to rearrange the schedule or situation, if possible.
Supporting my husband is paramount, because I know that one simple hour
on the bike will be transformational for him.
By the same token, when I awaken very early in the morning to workout before the day begins, he supports me: he wakes up our daughters, and he helps them with breakfast if I haven’t returned home from my swim. We respect each other’s need for exercise and negotiate the time by sharing parenting and household duties. Above and beyond the exercise, we support each other in getting what we need out of each and every day. Sometimes it’s the workout, sometimes it’s another kind of time out—a night out with friends, time alone to go to a book store, lecture or social event, time to sit at a neglected desk overflowing with bills, newspapers, etc. In my marriage, our mutual and respectful support of our individual needs is our show of love.
Getting support from my kids isn’t difficult. When I’m crystal clear about doing something, either taking time for exercise, or attending an art class or taking one hour to work on my writing or personal business that isn’t during work hours, there are rarely challenges to my request. I explain what I’m doing in clear language, and I go. If I need a babysitter, I arrange for it. When my daughters were very young, I discussed with them that everyday, I would need one hour to exercise, and that they could expect this for many years. I shared with them and provided examples of why getting exercise was so important to me. My daughters have grown up knowing the principles in this book—and they love that their mother has a full and active life. They have also embraced physical activity and love bike-riding, skiing, gymnastics and team sports. And now I am able to support them in their athletic endeavors.
So ask yourself today: what is it you need from your family and how can they support you. Perhaps it is words of encouragement and motivation, not just the approval of time. Build a life around you that supports personal and family time—and respects each family member’s unique needs. Ask for what you need today.
Affirmation
I honor my own needs and know that my interests, physical well-being,
and passions are worth supporting.
My family has the strength and ability to support these pursuits.
Getting
Through Rough Spots
Today I ran into a woman, Heather, a new friend from the Club where I
swim. The last time I saw her she was nine months pregnant, busting out
of her bathing suit. I saw her across the pool with a tiny baby in her
arms, and I ran toward her all smiles and congratulations. "How did
it go?" I asked. "The labor was fine. But she’s not. She
has Down Syndrome." Her lips quivered and tears began streaming down
her face. A medical slip; an unexpected tragedy. My heart broke into 100
tiny pieces for her, and I wanted to envelop her with love and strength.
Life has a way of opening your heart wide in some of the most painful,
blessed ways.
Mothering is always challenging, and life is unpredictable. Both magical
and tearful moments are often waiting unforeseen around the corner. In
my life it might be the unexpected win in a race or my daughter’s
broken wrist from a fall off the balance beam. Sometimes, bigger things
happen beyond our control, like with Heather. Both big and small events
can be made manageable by having an exercise routine, helping you to stay
grounded and strong. As Heather said, when I asked her how I could help:
"You can meet me at the gym for workouts. I need them now more than
ever." Mothers are brave beyond words.
Devereaux, a working mother of two children, explains "I was devastated
when I was diagnosed with breast cancer. When I completed treatment and
moved into a post -surgery/post-treatment life, the realization of how
important it was to feel comfortable with my body became clear. I made
a commitment to exercise as a way of not only gaining control over my
body, but as a way of processing and creating some mental clarity through
the difficult cancer experience. Exercise has now become a critical part
of my life. I squeeze time in every day for workouts of all kinds, from
swimming to weight lifting to cycling. This time for myself really clears
the way for me to be the best person I can be for my family and helps
me have faith in my body, strength and spirit."
"I
am a seamstress and a single mother. I have been able to make ends meet
financially, but it hasn’t always been easy. My husband died when
our son and daughter were 3 and 5 years old. At that time I didn’t
work as hard. I did my sewing for a few customers and looked after my
babies. I have always exercised. Being outdoors and physically active
is something I grew up with in Sweden. Although we live in a large city
now, I still prefer to exercise outside. I play tennis and walk. Getting
out twice a day allows me to sew for longer periods of time and therefore
keep my business successful. The tennis consists of hitting balls against
a backboard at a park nearby. When I feel I need a break from sewing or
household duties, usually around 10:30 a.m., I just walk out the door
with my tennis racquet and balls. When the children were babies, they
watched and ate their crackers while I ran around chasing the ball for
20 minutes. It worked well. Keeping up with my exercise has been the secret
to my emotional survival and stamina.
- Karin (37), Seamstress
Affirmation
I have strength, resiliency and power that will help me get through the
rough spots.
My heart is love. My body is strong. My spirit is courageous. I can make
it.
Section
IV.
Exhilaration - Eating
"Food...can
look beautiful, taste exquisite, smell wonderful, make people feel good,
bring them together, inspire romantic feelings.... At its most basic,
it is fuel for a hungry machine."
- Rosamond Richardson, English cookery author
Hunger is
the great reward of working out. Few things are more pleasurable than
feeling ravenous after a hearty workout—and feeding this hunger can
be heavenly. Whether you love rib-eye steak and salad, salmon tartar,
or a perfect Georgia peach, food is more than mere sustenance. It can
be sensual and divine. Exercising creates awareness of our bodies, and
this new awareness magnifies our enjoyment of eating—additionally,
we hope, helping rid us of our psychological baggage and toxic guilt around
food.
We are sometimes motivated to eat for reasons other than hunger. Can any
one of us who has gone through a pint of Haagen-Dazs after a relationship
breakup deny this? I cannot, nor am I willing to, forego the feel-good
comfort I get from chocolate. Every morning between 9:30 and 10:00, I
pull four healthy hunks of frozen dough out of the freezer, placing them
like the Crown Jewels onto the cookie sheet for baking. Many people know
of this ritual of mine, but what they don’t know is how important
it is to me. Out of the oven, I enjoy warm, soft cookies, along with my
coffee. This is indeed one of my treasured moments in eating. I am now
ready for the day’s tasks.
"Enchant, stay beautiful and graceful, but do this, eat well.
Bring the same consideration to the preparation of your food as you devote
to your appearance. Let your dinner be a poem, like your dress."
-Charles Pierre Monselet, French author (1825-1888) Letters to
Emily
Many of us feel guilt around food, myself included. I’ve worked hard over the years, especially in my teens and twenties, to let go of my emotional clutter around food. I see a friend exist on salad alone, or trim the smallest bit of fat off of a piece of ham or turkey and I feel sad. We shouldn’t fear food; we should embrace it, allowing ourselves the pleasures of eating and employing moderation when necessary. Today, enjoy the texture of the food you are eating. Notice its appearance. Pay close attention to the smells and flavors. Appreciate where the food came from. Say grace and give thanks for the delight of eating, the food so abundant, and the people and love in your life.
Affirmation
I treat my body well by eating healthy, delicious food. I allow myself
the pleasure of
feeling hungry, eating, and the spiritual nourishment which food brings
to my life.
Sheer
Pleasure
Wind on your face, coolness on your forearms, strong legs pedaling down
the last hill at the end of a bike ride. One uphill sprint and you’re
done. Sweat dripping down your temples. Diaphragm muscles rise and fall
and a sweet grin is born. Diving into the pool, the tranquility and purity
of the water enveloping your body. Dancing to the music, the rhythm of
your heart rate outpacing the beat. Feeling alive in your body, from the
tips of your toes to the top of your head. This is the sheer pleasure
of living that exercise ushers into our lives. We stand up straighter,
head high. We touch our loved ones with compassionate strength. We breathe
more deeply, we laugh louder.
There are many payoffs of active living, and the pleasure aspect is one of the most magnificent. When we are active in our bodies, we are more engaged in life. Jill, a 60-year-old office administrator and mother of two adult children, says, "I feel so alive when I walk early in the morning before work. On a beautiful sunny day, I marvel at the blue sky and vibrancy of the world around me. When it’s cold, I walk briskly and love waking up with the birds—bundled up in a scarf and hat. My workday is long, but this 30-minute walk keeps my back from hurting as I sit at my desk and keeps me from sugar binging in the afternoons (usually!). My walk is often the difference between a day filled with energy and enthusiasm and a day that I can barely get through."
As Saraha, a Buddhist teacher, elegantly puts it: "Here in this body are the sacred rivers: here are the sun and moon, as well as all the pilgrimage places. I have not encountered another temple as blissful as my own body."
The Active
Family Vacation
No doubt, sitting by a pool reading a great book is an excellent and luxurious
way to spend a vacation. But one of the joys of regular exercise is being
able to push your body even on vacation. Why not be physical while you’re
away, especially if it heightens your senses and deepens your relaxation?
Vacations that entail feats of physical activity are no longer daunting
but wonderful opportunities that bring you closer to nature and closer
to your physical limits. When we travel to Kauai for our main family vacation,
it is paradise because of the tropical environment and because there is
a plenty of time to indulge in physical activity. For each of us, it is
truly paradise: long barefoot runs on the beach, hours of recovery reading
and catnapping, hours of building sandcastles, and catching the frisbee,
body surfing and adventurous cross-bay swims. Weather permitting, we capture
any chance to hike the Nepali Coastline, the most breathtaking scenery
in the world. For two adults and two children, our days in Hanalei are
euphoric and when we return home, we’re rejuvenated and filled to
the brim with accomplishments that carry into our regular life. Last weekend
my friend drove three hours with her four-year-old son to go sea kayaking
on the Mendocino Coast in California. They had studied sea creatures in
books, and wanted to experience sea lions, seals, starfish and the roll
of the waves first-hand. A forty dollar rental fee and a day of paddling
delivered a beautiful mother/son experience and unforgettable education
in sea life. Growing up, my sisters and I spent school vacations and summer
breaks outdoors experiencing nature and the capabilities of our bodies.
It was the glue that kept our family together, and it is similar experiences
I now cherish with my own family. When school vacations allow for long
weekends or 10-day retreats, there is no hesitation in any family member’s
mind: we plan for ACTIVE. Here are ideas to help you design your own active
family vacation:
• Ocean
trips highlighted by swimming, riding waves, snorkeling, building sand
castles and trying new board sports
• Camping with day hikes, morning dips in glacial lakes after kayaking
excursions
• Cycling excursions, local and beyond (discover the Allycat for
riding tandem with kids!)
• Local trips to a park or nearby lake
• Family Dude Ranch
• Snow trips for skiing, sledding, ice skating or snow shoe hikes
• Golf, tennis, swimming, running, sailing, rock climbing, in-line
skating, or mountain biking from a "base camp" of your choice
• Human-powered city tours or urban walking adventures and explorations
including museums, parks, historical landmarks, and restaurants
• Travel to a competitive event such as a triathlon or marathon
• Supporting a cause by riding a bike 600 miles, walking for 3 days
or peace marching for 12 hours gives new meaning to "politically
active". Try a purposeful family outing at a walk-a-thon, bike-a-thon,
peace march.
Affirmation
I allow myself to experience the miracle of life when I exercise strength
into my body and feel joy in my heart.
A magical energy follows me wherever I go. I relish the pleasures of living,
both big and small
and the passion of children, birds, eating, love.
Sex
If you are as busy as some mothers, or you have small children, you might
not recognize the word, "sex." It might feel like an abstract
concept, something you once participated in with your paramour, and in
fact, landed you in your current role as mother.
Never fear: you can once again (or for the first time in your life!) feel attractive, sexy, and in your body. "I look in the mirror and see a frumpy, exhausted, pale, shell of my old self, wearing drab clothing in larger-sizes than I even knew existed," explains a friend with school-aged children, "Where is that person I used to be?" At points in motherhood, it does seem that our old self is lost. The most powerful way I know to reclaim that person—and merge it with your new wonderful mother-self—is to begin to exercise and move your body. Not only does it help you begin to get your body back and feel physically active, it gives you emotional strength, energy and confidence. Qualities that will help you take exuberant steps back into the bedroom.
"When
I’m in the best shape my body can be, I feel more feminine and much
sexier. Before I discovered running and soccer, I spent much of my time
in bed with my husband trying to cover myself, my flabby stomach, droopy
boobs, stretch marks…all those lovely things that are the marks of
giving birth. I was so self-conscious that I couldn’t get into making
love—and would sabotage it with my insecurities half the time. Feeling
good about my body (and loving the miracle it has performed by giving
us healthy children) helps our sex life and for that matter, our whole
relationship. I am a happier person day in and day out when I exercise.
I feel like a sexual being, a strong woman, a sexy wife and mother. The
amazing thing is that my husband loves my attitude and confidence more
than anything. If I believe and know that I’m sexy, he thinks that’s
the sexiest thing in the world. Especially my stretch marks!"
-Jane (44), Property Manager
Besides exercising, you can begin to put the pieces of your sexuality back into place by being intentional about your sex life. Make a date with yourself and your bathtub, lighting candles, aromatherapy bubble bath, and your favorite romantic book. Lock the door. Use oils afterwards and enjoy the sensuality of your own body. Make a weekly date with your husband. In the bedroom! Banish the television, get the children to bed on time, and yourself to bed early. The messy house will always be there. It’s your passion and your marriage that needs a turn now. And remember, you are as sexy as you think you are. So know that you are an exquisitely beautiful woman.
Affirmation
Feeling sexy starts from within. I honor my sexual self
and know that confidence, energy, and passion are what are truly sexy.